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When Well-Intentioned Blessings Feel Like Unattainable Expectations During the Holidays

It's the holiday season and this time of the year can amplify our experiences in ways we can perceive as beautiful or heavy, and everything in between.

It is quite common to share blessings and well wishes with our loved ones and strangers alike through the final months of the year. And while these are shared with the best intentions, they can be hard to receive if you are not feeling merry, to begin with.

As time has passed, our language has become more abbreviated, and what used to be delivered as a holiday blessing with additional language which helped clarify and soften how they landed, can now sometimes feel more like a demand than an invitation.

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas!

Joyous New Year to You!

When you are experiencing lower vibrational energies—let's use the example of feeling upset about something not going according to your desired plan—and someone merrily chucks a "Cheer up! It will all be OK!" at you, how does that work in shifting your mood?

Or if you are feeling frazzled, frustrated, or angry, and someone not so helpfully says "Calm down." it just ramps up your original emotion 10x...

Let's be real; the last few years have had many challenges for us to face, have forced huge transformations individually and collectively, and have required us to face many fears and explore our traumas with a magnifying glass regularly. It is absolutely normal and expected that you may be moving through this holiday season with your emotional playlist on shuffle.

If you are feeling all the feels right now, every subtle yet penetrating reminder—from cards to commercials to greetings and well-wishes from every co-worker, neighbor, and shop worker you encounter—can aggravate and exaggerate whatever point along that spectrum you happen to be in at the moment.

If you are feeling joyous and merry, these expressions can amplify and expand how you're feeling in a welcomed and beneficial way. And yes, as we expand our joy, we send ripples of it out into the world as an invitation for others to join us in it. This can be highly beneficial and raise our overall vibration. Be mindful though that some will meet it with resistance and forcing or shaming someone (including yourself) for not being in a state that is ready to receive it is not going to help the situation in a positive way.

Can we meet each other where we are while maintaining our own energetic and emotional needs?

This is the age-old question, isn't it?

The key to achieving this lives in compassion.

What does that look like?

Compassion looks like honoring—recognizing that we are all having complex and nuanced experiences and they are all valid.

Compassion looks like boundaries—creating space for your needs and allowing others to take the space that they need.

Compassion looks like discernment—saying yes because you truly want to and no even when it feels difficult to do so yet is your true desire.

Compassion looks like honesty—allowing yourself and others to share what may feel vulnerable or too (insert whatever you are feeling or have been told you are too much of or not enough of) to say out loud. If you share from your heart, the words will form through the filter of kindness.

Compassion looks like YOU—every single one of us is one-of-a-kind. You have ways of knowing unlike anyone else. You express yourself uniquely. You have gifts to share that someone else is in need of receiving. The more you show up in this authenticity, the more easeful you experience interactions with others and the more you exude an air of inclusion and openness to receiving others as they are.

So, if you are feeling stuck in heavy emotions this holiday season or if you have just a moment or two when your energy drops and you need some tools to help you navigate through them, here are two simple questions to help you out:

What do I need right now?

How will this help me?

Repeat these questions until you get to the heart of the matter and then use any of these affirmations to support you in taking compassionate action:

  • It is safe for me to have needs.

  • It is safe for me to be uniquely me.

  • It is safe for me to speak my truth.

  • It is safe for me to take up space.

  • It is safe for me to enjoy food.

  • It is safe for me to say no.

  • It is safe for me to feel __________.

  • It is safe for me to be different.

  • It is safe for me to receive.

  • I am loved.

  • I am important.

  • I bring valuable contributions to this experience (family, group, conversation, etc.).

As I close this post, I will share one final tool that is my favorite go-to in times of stress or when I just need a little help getting out of my head and into my body:

  • Take 10 slow, deep, intentional breaths.

  • You can go to a quiet corner, take a few moments alone in the bathroom, or even do this while sitting right in the middle of your holiday feast. Closing your eyes can help, but merely focusing your attention on your breathing alone can be transformational by itself.


The images in this blog are from a channeled artwork and message titled The Joy Factory - Stay Curious! You can experience the full message spoken in my voice on my YouTube Channel below.

The message is all about how to reframe your relationship with and intentionally cultivate more joy in your life.


Have you taken the Soul Wisdom Language Quiz yet?

Make sure to download the pdf at the end for lots of great tools to get started today!

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