Have you ever used the methodology of a curious toddler on yourself? At it's heart, this is essentially what self-reflection is. You have a feeling or reaction to something that is occurring in your life. Why is that? When you get an answer, ask - but why? Repeat this process until you are exhausted and want run screaming "I don't know!" as you remove yourself from the conversation. This is the point where you have hit on something important.
Now sit with it. Sit with this question for a bit. Allow it to unfold as it is ready. I promise you that if you are patient and you are OPEN to receiving the response, it will come. It may not come immediately. It may not come today, or even this year, but it will come when you are ready to heal this part of you, thus transcending your current situation and birthing a new consciousness, awareness, and state of being.
It is not an easy process and not one for the faint of heart, but the gifts received are certain to outweigh the challenges endured. It takes many of us years, even decades, or lifetimes to reach this point in dealing with our deepest emotional drivers. It takes vulnerability and grit, endurance and receptivity, bravery and unflappable compassion in order to truly dive deeply into these waters.
We often find that we uncover something that resonates with us deeply and we survive the process of healing it, only to discover that there is indeed another layer below that. This in no way means that you did it wrong the first time, or even the twelfth time. It means that you are reaching deep into the true source of your being; getting to know your soul.
Curiosity is the key here. When we are genuinely curious about something, we seek it out with a sense of playfulness rather than need. We take in the information that we encounter and continue exploring. We look at it from various angles and consider multiple viewpoints. But when we seek out information out of need, we tend to be laser focused on finding THE answer that resolves our issue. We spend less time exploring various ways that the answer could be solved and could end up cultivating a series of sources that all point to the same conclusion in order to feel OK about concluding your search.
Knowledge is documented in so many ways and available in so many places that it can often be a daunting and overwhelming task to try to find an answer to something that we feel good about. Let me repeat the last part of that sentence - that we FEEL GOOD ABOUT. Ultimately, the truth we are seeking must align with something internal in order for us to trust it. Regardless of the source, the amount of proven research that may come along with something, and even the amount of conditioning we may have around the topic, if it doesn’t FEEL right, we don't trust it.
I could certainly spin off into a different topic here, but I am writing currently about our inner journey for understanding, not our external one. In reality though, they are interconnected and reflections of each other.
Just as when you are seeking out knowledge to answer a question that you have about the external world, the same goes internally as well. To clarify, when I say that you must feel GOOD about something in order to trust it, I don't mean that it is always flowery and positive and makes you happy. What I mean really is that it feels RIGHT. There is something that aligns in your mind, body, and soul and together they say "yes - this is it".
To bring back the curious toddler for a moment, think about the energy that the toddler is putting into their line of questioning. I hear your response, receive it, decide that there is more, ask again.
That "this is it" realization may take you on a journey all on its own. You may spend a good long time exploring this idea and the why that goes along with it. It may lead you to uncover other "whys" that you explore simultaneously or file away under a category in your subconscious, where you keep things close to the surface so that you can reference them, but are not quite ready to dive deep on those topics just yet.
Sometimes we need to break down a topic into smaller pieces and explore each piece separately, incorporating them all together at a later point where the sum of the whole is then far less daunting and much easier to digest or integrate.
I recommend you start by asking yourself where you find the greatest resistance in your life: who and what do I feel resistance to when I experience or think of them? Now ask yourself "but why?".